Directions from an Indian, "Go left, go right, go front., front, front, you will see my my brother’s house. Ignore it. Go left again, then straight ,straight,straight. If you see a woman eating rice , then you are lost.

An African exchange student’s first day on an American campus.
" I hear you Africans eat other human beings" An inquisitive white girl wanted to know.
African student took the girls fingers , fiddled with it and started to salivate. " Yeah, very delicious, especially the fingers, wonderful delicacy " he then started to lick his lips. The poor girl fled in wild terror.

The state of the art scale would verbally tell your weight in a screeching small voice.
"72 kilos please"
"89 kilos please."
Then a very huge woman stepped onto the machine.
"One at a time please" It protested.

The city police officer came across this suspicious looking black man standing next to a hat. " What are you doing here alone at midnight."
"Shhh, I just trapped a rare bird , I need to get a cage to put it in. This bird could be worth a lot of money. Can you please watch it while I go find a cage ?", we can split the sale.
After some time the police officer thought to himself . "What prevents me from catching this bird and selling it for myself." So he bent down, and removing the hat, carefully swung his arm in a swiping motion to grab the bird. In his hand was a whole lot of shit. "Shit" he yelled. "Blackman's shit."

The man arrived at check-in at this Nigerian airport famous for corruption ,brandishing his boarding pass. "Sorry Sir", he was told, "your name is not on the manifest."
"But here is my boarding pass. Besides I booked and confirmed twice just this morning." The man complained.
It all fell on deaf ears. So the man in a flash of inspiration slipped some money into the palm of the official.
Suddenly the inspired response was, "Oh I am so sorry Professor,your name is actually number two on the manifest. It's because of these prescription glasses of mine. Please forgive me."

Introducing Elizabeth Taylor. "This is the most traveled woman in the world. She has been to every God forsaken country in the world except the Virgin Islands."

First Jew to second " My shop got burnt down completely last week"
2nd Jew " Terrible, so what are you going to do? "
1st Jew " Oh, insurance paid everything "
A week later:
2nd Jew " My shop got completely ravaged by floods, lost everything"
1st Jew "Oh God, so what are you going to do"
2nd Jew " Insurance paid everything"
1st Jew (after much pondering.) " But how does one create a flood?"

Grandfather Jew was on his deathbed with all the life support systems money can buy. The family had gathered round in sorrow.
" Peter , are you there, my son Peter ? " he coughed painfully.
" Yes Daddy, I am here"
" How about John , my dear John, are you here?"
" Yes Dad "
"And James my third born , are you here?"
" Sure Dad, I am here"
After a long pause the old man angrily says " All of you are here, so who the fuck is looking after the shop?"

An Englishman wanted to become Irish. He was advised that he would then have to have half his brain removed. During the operation the surgeons scalpel slipped and he ended up removing ¾. While recuperating the Doctor went to him and apologized for the mistake.
The man cooly replied " Ag dit maak nie sak nie", Afrikaans for ah it does not matter.

A man went to the hospital and wanted to be castrated. He was asked several times whether he was sure. He insisted and consequently signed all necessary documents. While recuperating after the operation, a friend came to visit.
" Hey Dick, heard you were in hospital , what brought you here? "
" I came to be to be ( pointing to his crotch )
"circumsized? " the friend volunteered.
" That's the word !!" Dick agonizingly replied.

The man sat at the counter all night with a calculator punching figures all night. So the barman asked him. My friend are you working out your tax returns or what.
"No, the man replied. " You see, my wife is on diet, and losing 5kgs a month. She weighs 120 kgs. So in two years I should be completely rid of her.

The drunkard went on and on in the train. " I am going to shit on everybody here except the man in white. After repeating this some 20 times somebody out of frustration asked why the man in white would be spared . " He is the one I am going to use to wipe my ass" came the reply.

At the restaurant the Gay man scrutinized the menu diligently and asked the waitron." But where are you on the menu?"
The bad : Page 1