A hard pressed gentleman, desperately looking for a place to pee lost his way and found himself in the lady’s toilet. A frightened old woman screamed at him. "This is for ladies"
Shaking his long dick he retorted " This is for ladies too"

An old man resident at a game lodge impressed tourists at a local bar with his unrivalled knowledge of hunting.
When they arrived from hunting trips he would be blindfolded and then by touching the wound of the slain beast he would reveal what animal it was and what weapon was used.
"This is an Impala killed with a .54 Mortimer flintlock rifle."
"This is the young of a kudu killed with a .270 vektor lyttelton"
"This is a white rhino killed with a.Cz 550 . .220 calibre."
He won every bet. So in exasperation the patrons brought the bar lady.
The old man's fingers navigated up the skirt up to the pubic area. Stroking the hair gently,and feeling his way around, he sniffed and scratched his head in bewilderment.
After a long pause he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ah, this is a bush pig, killed with an axe.

What do you call two Muslim homosexuals? Isak and Ismael.

A non- performing man invited a good friend over to his house for holidays. While the man snored the friend sneaked besides his wife under the cover of darkness and delivered a virtuoso performance.
The woman woke up inexplicably content, singing all over the place like a lark. The host then went to see his friend off at the train station.
On returning the wife greatly recommended him for the night's performance. It had been the best in 30 years of marriage.
The man scratched his head and could not remember having been in active service that night, let alone for the past ten years. He quickly put two and two together and made a great run for the train station.
Unfortunately the train was just leaving the station. The good friend spotted him running furiously towards the train, wildly waving his arms.
Thinking his host wanted to find out when he was coming again for a visit, he shouted from the window of the carriage "next week, next week, I will come again ".
In full flight after a train picking up speed , and with his index finger thrusting the air he shouted in impotent rage.
" Next week, next week, come and try your nonsense again. Next week, come..."

A philandering Minister of the church was busy with a member's wife when there was a knock at the door.
"My husband is coming". Said the woman.
So the Minister went to hide under the bed. Enter Lord Dube, deputy to the Minister . While busy there was again a knock.
"My husband is coming." So Lord Dube went under the bed. The husband did come and having had a hard day at the office complained
"Oh Lord, why do you treat me so?"
From under the bed came a protesting voice.
"I am not alone, the Minister is also here."

PAY AS YOU GO - slogan for the prepaid service of a cellular network
PAY AS YOU COME- Prepaid service sign in front of a brothel.

An underperforming man got a surprise visit from an old friend. Unfortunately this man shared only one room and one bed with his wife. So at night, the sleeping arrangements were such that he slept in the middle while his friend and wife slept at either side of the bed. In the dead of the night the wife sought some real action and thus conspired with this friend in whispers. The plan was that the man should pinch her husband's bottom. If he failed to wake up, then he should climb over. The friend obliged, and as his testosterone level was pretty high , went over not once but 5 times. On his sixth trip the host suddenly woke up and complained. " Dear Friend you have been busy with my wife all these 5 times. No complaint. But why the fuck do you use my bottom as a scoreboard? "

Before I undress the Queen let me first remove my testicles. ( Idi Amin, erstwhile Dictator of Uganda, toasting the Queen at a Buckingham palace Dinner ) He then proceeds to remove his spectacles.

The distinguished gentleman, wanting to impress a high society lady takes her to his hometown in Texas and summons his limousine.
" Oh, what a big limo you've got" she gushed.
" yeah, downtown in Texas everything is big'
They then proceeded home.
" Oh what a big house you've got"
" yeah, downtown in Texas everything is big"
They then went to the Master bedroom.
"What a big bed room"
"Yeah downtown in Texas everything is big.
Then they dived under the sheets.
After first thrust distinguished gentleman asked incredulously" Hey, are you also from Texas?"

A psychologist visited a madhouse and found it bursting with activity. A young man was hopping from left to right flicking his wrist.
" What are you doing " the psychologist asked.
" Oh, just playing ping - pong" he replied.
Another middle- aged man was swinging away with an imaginary club.
What are you doing ? He asked
" Oh. Just playing Golf "
Then an old man in his 70's came whistling past. He was thrusting his pelvis left, right and center as he went round the big yard. " Hey what are you doing." The psychologist asked." Just fucking around, don't you see?" he responded with a surprised look on his face.

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