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At a traditional restaurant
in Ghana where one can negotiate the quantity of meat on ones fufu (A traditional starchy staple ) :
George Appiah, a man of limited means, and wearing a cheap watch, bought himself some fufu and
could only afford only a piece of meat.
Soon after Kofi Yeboah arrived and ordered fufu littered with several pieces of expensive choice beef.
After a moment of tense dining Kofi broke the ice thus "My brother, what says your time?"
"Ask your meat" Goerge angrily replied.
The hapless gentleman had just been found guilty of attempted rape. The Old Afrikaner Magistrate wanted to sentence him to six years imprisonment and suspend four years. But he had forgotten the English word suspended.
So he goes : You are sentenced to six years imprisonment but four years sus..., sus...., suspect...,sus..., and gives up "six years , six years , six years imprisonment."
The professor from a European University went visiting a colleague in Africa. He was invited to a chicken meal at a traditional restaurant. After the meal the good professor ordered ice cream while his colleague started crunching his chicken bones for dessert.
" This is shocking " The professor said. " Over here you guys eat chicken bones, so what do your dogs eat"
" Ice cream:" His friend quietly replied.
The connoiseur had so far amazed the association of brewers at an international conference.He would immediately sample any beer in a glass and tell what beer it was and where it was brewed.without hesitation.
"This is Castle from South Africa, first brewed in 1896 This is Hansa pilsener.
This is Heinekken,
This is Carling Black Label.This is Cabeza de Lobo from Cuba..."
After exhausting all beer they brought him piss.
He quickly and confidently took a sip, flicked it over his tongue ,and paused..
"This is actually very good beer but it beats me" he whined in desperation. Then it was like eureka! He spat out furiously and screamed in anguish .
"This is Piss!"
The love stricken Romeo wrote to Juliet.My dearest Juliet,There is nothing in this world I would not do just to be with you. I would climb the highest mountains, cross the most trackless deserts, and swim the widest oceans, just to be by your side for a warm hug.
P/s See you on Saturday night if it does not rain.
The Evangelist raised his voice in furious anger. " On that day men shall weep and gnash their teeth.
An old lady raised up her hand and mumbled "Father, how about those of us who haven't got teeth ?"
" On that day teeth will be provided' Preacherman replied.
The editor of the London times junketed into the Heart of Darkness to investigate a scoop and was captured by some cannibals with razor sharp teeth.
An elaborate feast was organized. And the poor editor was dumped into a huge boiling pot. Busy boiling he made a last ditch appeal to the Chief of the Cannibals." Please have mercy on me, I am the Editor of the London Times'.
" In that case," Chief cannibal softly replied, " I will make you Editor in Chief" slowly rubbing his big bare belly with unconcealed relish.
Cannibal Son to Cannibal father " Dad, what is that flying object?" Pointing to an aeroplane."Son, it is like a crayfish, you only eat what is inside" Dad replied.
Dialogue in a movie set in Argentina.Sheriff to Clementino : Hey Clementino, have you seen Don Pedro the bandito.
Clementino : I was walking down the street when I see Don Pedro. H e have a gun. And when he see me he say Ah Clementino what do you seeee? I say, I see the ass of your mule. He say kiss it. I did not want to kiss it but Don Pedro , he have a gun , so ahhh.
Just then his mule, he have drop a very big , a very hot potato. Then Don Pedro say. Clementino what it is ,what it is , what do you seeeee. I say I see the shit of your mule. He say eat it. I did not want to eat it but Don Pedro have a gun so ahhhhh.
Just just then I have grab the gun of Don Pedro. Then I have said. Ah Don Pedro what do you seeeee. He say I see the ass of your mule. I say kiss it . Don Pedro , he do not want to kiss it but I have a gun so ahhhh. Then my mule , he have drop a very big, a very hot hot potato. So I say. Don Pedro what it is,what do you see. He say, I see the shit of your mule. I say eat it. Don Pedro he do not want to eat it but I have a gun so ahhhhhh.So Sheriff if you ask me, have I seen Don Pedro the bandito. It was just just yesterday that Don Pedro and I had Lunch together.
A tourist travelling through an African village one night suddenly felt hard pressed to attend natures call, so he stopped at the village and asked for the toilet. He was shown the open field. His first step into the bush landed him in shit so he screamed, Ouch! His second step also got a false landing and he yelled ouch! The third step was no better.Ouch! he yelled even louder.Suddenly 20 heads emerged from a squatting position in the bush, simultaneously asking." Why, have you been bitten by a snake?
"No!" He replied in distress" oh " the heads angrily replied and went out of sight back into their squatting position..
Having invited a friend for lunch the chief wanted to demonstrate his hunting skills so he took his guest into the field. Soon a duck came flying by.Watch this sitting duck. The chief said. He raised his shot gun and fired.The duck continued flying like no man's business.The chief shook his head incredulously and turned to his guest. "dear friend, wonders shall never end , there flies a dead
duck."
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